omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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