Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize