At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
