five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
