you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
