I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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