well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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