How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
