he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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