he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
