even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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