He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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