you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
