fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
