just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
