i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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