We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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