VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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