Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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