Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
