I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
