im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
