Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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