Jerry, you need to find god
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
