i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican