You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
