Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?