That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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