One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.