you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.