Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss