do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.