I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
