did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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