your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
