she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
