I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
