she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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