I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
