im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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