i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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