he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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