he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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