we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
