god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
