i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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