I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
