my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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