I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
