handjob tips. give me some.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
