i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
