Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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