Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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