I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
