i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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