Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
