butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
