don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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