Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
