I have demons in me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
