drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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