woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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