even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize