To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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