Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
