You did not just play the dead husband card again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
