I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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