I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
