So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
