i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
