I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
