It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
