I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
