forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
